www.richardhagen.org

I’ve started to imagine letting my boss know how much I dislike working where I do by stabbing myself in her presence.

I’d rather not feel this way.

A while back … was it nearly a year ago? … it was fashionable to try to get me to like the band ROOT!. One of the arguments used was “you were a fan of TISM“. This is supposed to be persuasive because the central figure of ROOT! was a central figure of TISM. The obvious comeback is “I’m a fan of The Beatles, are you suggesting I should also be a fan of Wings?”

Australia’s Funniest GPS Errors: Satnav Gone Surreal.

<Your Name> is browsing through their friends’ friends to try to find some nice jugs.

In every poll of a group of thinkers about the future, you’ll see someone touting a form of immortality achieved by downloading one’s mind into a computer of some sort. This is an odd sort of immortality, the sort of immortality where you die.

Another favourite topic of these exercises is teleportation. For an insight into the life-preserving qualities of teleportation, I urge you to see The Prestige. (But watch out, I found the film horrifying, in the literal sense.)

The Household Disharmony Mysteries … The show’s increasingly desperate exhumations, autopsies, forensic tests, database searches and footslogging are obviously aimed at turning a patent death by natural causes into a possible murder, all in the name of keeping the detective away from the horror of his home life.

This week on CSI: Mr Squiggle … Expect your world to be turned upside down in an episode where nothing is as it seems.

Based on your experience and qualifications, I suggest that you …

… become an actor who specialises in playing identical twins: one psychopathic, the other not psychopathic.

The For Fuck’s Sake Mysteries… The horror of the first murder scene in each episode causes even the hardest and most long-serving detectives to throw up. Each murder scene gets worse from there.

The title comes from the recurrent revolted exclamation used in the show.

N.B. This setup allows overuse of the expression in my N years on the force…